1. nooneslife:

    mad-man-with-a-scarf:

    shavingryansprivates:

    this is my favorite video of all time bar none

    I cannot stop laughing. 

    I’m cry

    Omfg that’s so dumb XD

    (via eleonorkliesen)

    1 month ago  /  373,181 notes

  2. thegiveristheshit:

whorecrux69:

I’m sorry but I will not cease to reblog this until i get the fame i deserve for spending 45 minutes of my time downloading randoms apps on my iphone to spell out this dumb fuck internet meme do you hear me

may it rain notes

Come on guys, this needs more notes.

    thegiveristheshit:

    whorecrux69:

    I’m sorry but I will not cease to reblog this until i get the fame i deserve for spending 45 minutes of my time downloading randoms apps on my iphone to spell out this dumb fuck internet meme do you hear me

    may it rain notes

    Come on guys, this needs more notes.

    (via eatmytitss)

    1 month ago  /  254,097 notes  /  Source: marylincornrow

  3. spiderliam:

    dystopiamachine:

    dietnutella:

    nohomocide:

    accent marks and italics can make any word look beautiful

    bonèr

    Chlàmydîa

    gęńìtãl thüñdērštørm

    pretty sure the words “genital thunderstorm” are gorgeous without any alteration

    (via eatmytitss)

    1 month ago  /  304,562 notes

  4. I want to swing, just so I can have a shit ton of fun while using it as outlet for all this pent up energy I have all the time. I love to dance and I want something I can do with someone else.

    I want to swing, just so I can have a shit ton of fun while using it as outlet for all this pent up energy I have all the time. I love to dance and I want something I can do with someone else.

    1 month ago  /  438 notes  /  Source: pinkfleurette

  5. Reblog or your mom will die in 928 seconds.

    twirliest:

    steampoweredplayer:

    lollie-pond:

    larryismyhallelujah:

    thetasrose:

    peachy-blisss:

    myswagisnice:

    I love my mom.

    image

    I am risking nothing

    image

    I AM SORRY FOLLOWERS, I LOVE MY MOMMY

    Will not risk.

    image

    sorry followers :(

    omg im so glad to se so many people love their mummy

    Why’re you being mean to my mum?

    goddamn it

    Nope. Googled it. 15 minuets. Nope. Not taking any chances

    Koop

    This has 1.2 million reblogs …
    Ps not riskin it

    I’m not into superstition but I love my mom.

    (via jayfur99)

    1 month ago  /  1,441,653 notes

  6. destined4nirvana:

sad-butsassy:

mashtonpotatoes:

slowlylosinglbs:

seeyanightvale:

eutux1a:

It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.
Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.
Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare say no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that said you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.
Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.
If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:
My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.
If you are thinking of taking your life, call:
1-800-784-2433
1-800-SUICIDE

You stupid motherfuckers, don’t you dare not reblog this. Because this deserves 100K notes more than pictures of your favourite gay couple or cute cats, and yet it has 243 notes. 243 fucking notes? Fuck that. Fucking signal boost this.

I wish she had seen this.

You could save a life tonight with just one reblog

oh god I wish he had seen this that night

guys you could save a life tonight I dont care if your a colour blog or whatever reblog this now

I hate suicide, I hate the thought of it, the existence of it and the word itself. It’s something a friend wanted me to stop her from doing when she was in lowest part of her life and I could have lost her. But she’s alive, we’re no longer friends because of things that happened but I always look back and wish that I could take back the things I did to have my best friend back.

    destined4nirvana:

    sad-butsassy:

    mashtonpotatoes:

    slowlylosinglbs:

    seeyanightvale:

    eutux1a:

    It’s been a few hours, you’ve just been hanging there. You’ve been quiet, too quiet. Usually there’s music playing, or your foot steps could be heard. But today, you’re quiet. Your little sister, who doesn’t normally come to greet you because you lock yourself away, decides to see what you’re doing. She assumes you’re taking a nap, or doing some homework quietly. She runs up the stairs, eager to see, but she comes to an immediate halt. You’re not doing your homework, nor taking a nap. Your music isn’t playing and you aren’t walking around. You’re hanging there, completely still, now just like her. At this moment, her whole world shatters. Everything she has ever known, looked up to, loved, is hanging there by a thread. At this moment, her life has been changed forever. At this moment, she wishes she was hanging with you.

    Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.” No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.” No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.” They will die. Their hearts will break. They will hurt, more than you ever could. They will cry, scream, and break down. They’ll believe it’s all just a dream, praying to wake up. Except, they won’t feel that for a few seconds, or a few days, not weeks, nor months. They will feel that until the day they die. Everyday will be hell. They’ll think of you ever second. They’ll hate themselves for not being able to help or save you. They’ll wish they could die too. They’ll want to give up, just to be with you. They won’t be ever be happy again. They won’t smile. They won’t go back to their daily routine. They’ll die every time they walk past your room, or see a picture of you, or think of a memory with you. They’ll think, but stay quiet. They’ll visit your grave, feeling a knife go through their chest every time. And every morning when they wake up, no matter how long it’s been, they’ll wake up to thinking they’ll see you, only to be let down once again. And every night, they will cry themselves to sleep, because even though they refuse to admit it, know you’re gone forever.

    Before you decide to take your life, think of your family, burying you. Yes, your own mother and father are planning your funeral. It’s supposed to be the other way around, but it’s not. They’ll have to call the cops, sign a death certificate, pick out clothing, buy a tomb stone, a casket, pick out flower arrangements, and more; All for their child’s funeral. The morning of your funeral, everyone who loves you is wearing black. Tears are streaming down their face, while their heart is breaking. Everyone who you thought didn’t need you, or didn’t care, are waiting in line to see you. They aren’t waiting in line at a party, or a graduation, or at a wedding reception. They’re waiting to see you, hands folded, lifeless, in a casket.

    Before you decide to take your life, think of everyone you will be hurting. Don’t you dare say no one, because absolutely everyone will be affected. Your grandparents, won’t have a grandchild anymore. Your parents, won’t have a child anymore. Your brother or sister, won’t have a sibling anymore. Your pet, won’t have an owner anymore. That person you sit next to in class, won’t feel your presence anymore. Your teacher, won’t have a student anymore. That time your grandparents told you no, will haunt them forever, thinking it is their fault, that you are now dead. That time your parents yelled at you, will haunt them forever, thinking if they didn’t yell at you, you would still be here. That time your sibling said they hated you, will hate themselves, because they believe you would still be alive if they said they loved you instead. Those kids who made you feel bad, will wish they were dead too, because if they just smiled at you instead, you would be here. That teacher that said you didn’t meet her expectations, will feel like a failure, because you would still be here, if she believed in you. Everyone, who has ever been in your presence, will hurt, because if they showed you they cared, you would still be here.

    Before you decide to take your life, think. Don’t just think of yourself, think of the consequences for everyone else. No one’s life will be the same again. That person who God made specially for you, won’t have you. That happiness that was waiting for you, will never show again. Before you decide to take your life, realize that you may be ending your pain, but you’ll be starting a lifetime of everyone elses.

    If you are feeling alone, and think that suicide is the only way out:

    My ask is open, and I’m always here. I’ll never judge you. I’ll try to help you.

    If you are thinking of taking your life, call:

    1-800-784-2433

    1-800-SUICIDE

    You stupid motherfuckers, don’t you dare not reblog this. Because this deserves 100K notes more than pictures of your favourite gay couple or cute cats, and yet it has 243 notes. 243 fucking notes? Fuck that. Fucking signal boost this.

    I wish she had seen this.

    You could save a life tonight with just one reblog

    oh god I wish he had seen this that night

    guys you could save a life tonight I dont care if your a colour blog or whatever reblog this now

    I hate suicide, I hate the thought of it, the existence of it and the word itself. It’s something a friend wanted me to stop her from doing when she was in lowest part of her life and I could have lost her. But she’s alive, we’re no longer friends because of things that happened but I always look back and wish that I could take back the things I did to have my best friend back.

    (via jayfur99)

    1 month ago  /  454,914 notes  /  Source: writtenly

  7. tacofurious:

louayarniam:

immortalinfernalengines:

suchre:

grassfire:

you ok there lil’ buddy

addendum please listen to this song while watching this gif

click the link.

just click the link

IOH MY GOD

Click the link. It gets funnier the longer you look at it with the music. 

    tacofurious:

    louayarniam:

    immortalinfernalengines:

    suchre:

    grassfire:

    you ok there lil’ buddy

    addendum please listen to this song while watching this gif

    click the link.

    just click the link

    IOH MY GOD

    Click the link. It gets funnier the longer you look at it with the music. 

    (via jayfur99)

    1 month ago  /  216,395 notes  /  Source: grassfire

  8. superlockedhogwartianinthetardis:

sk-raveness:

drucila616:

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!_______________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget..ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitting me?_________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Getting laid____________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death..ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Take a guess.___________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beardATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male._____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight._________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral…_________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PMATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.____________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________And last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No..ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

No but seriously just try reading these with a straight face okay I can’t do it

I can’t handle it. How could people be so stupid XD

    superlockedhogwartianinthetardis:

    sk-raveness:

    drucila616:

    How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?

    These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
    _______________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
    WITNESS: July 18th.
    ATTORNEY: What year?
    WITNESS: Every year.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    _________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget..
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________

    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Getting laid
    ____________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death..
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral…
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

    ______________________________________
    And last:

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No..
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

    Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.

    No but seriously just try reading these with a straight face okay I can’t do it

    I can’t handle it. How could people be so stupid XD

    (via jayfur99)

    1 month ago  /  773,832 notes  /  Source: pandaaamonium14

  9. photo

    photo

    photo

    photo

    photo

    photo

    photo

    1 month ago  /  282,504 notes  /  Source: 8bitmonkey

  10. oddbagel:

askulloffoxes:

poetic

they died

Just so everyone knows this is a fake video. They did not die. If you can’t see the indicators or know that it’s fake already you haven’t been on the interwebs long enough.

    oddbagel:

    askulloffoxes:

    poetic

    they died

    Just so everyone knows this is a fake video. They did not die. If you can’t see the indicators or know that it’s fake already you haven’t been on the interwebs long enough.

    (via jaxbeef)

    1 month ago  /  8,291 notes

  11. rubywhiterabbit:

    My little brother got into outer space and stuff so my step-mom bought him a place mat with all the planets on it. When I first saw it, I was upset, because it was newer and so Pluto wasn’t labeled. I was about to say something when I noticed something…

    image

    Pluto is there.

    image

    The artist remembered Pluto.

    image

    Guys…

    image

    The artist drew Pluto crying.

    Omfg, I can’t even.

    (via dorks-are-hip)

    1 month ago  /  395,535 notes  /  Source: rubywhiterabbit

  12. Hahahahahaha XD

    Hahahahahaha XD

    1 month ago  /  0 notes

  13. what-in-blahnation:

blpak:

jesus

our saviour has spoken

I like anime Jesus better than real Jesus.

    what-in-blahnation:

    blpak:

    jesus

    our saviour has spoken

    I like anime Jesus better than real Jesus.

    (via xdollyllamax)

    1 month ago  /  59,545 notes

  14. photo

    photo

    photo

    1 month ago  /  17,165 notes  /  Source: angelsreadingtennyson

  15. 1 month ago  /  3,670 notes  /  Source: prince-shotoku